Simple Ways to Achieve Mindfulness and Overcome Anxiety for Good

Mark Metry

Nat Schooler and Kim-Adele were joined by Mark Metry: He Helps Shy, Stressed, and Anxious People Be Themselves Confidently In Front of Anyone | Forbes & TEDx Featured Speaker, Author, Podcaster, and Coach.

Are you struggling with anxiety? Do you feel like it’s a constant battle to keep your mind at ease and focused on the task at hand? If so, then this blog post is for you. There are many ways that we can achieve mindfulness and overcome anxiety for good. We assure you that each of these methods is easy to implement in your everyday life.

You can learn more about Mark Metry on his website here.

Mindfulness is a state of being that can be cultivated through practice. It’s not about trying to achieve something, but rather it’s an awareness and acceptance of what is happening in our lives right now. You achieve mindfulness when you stop resisting life and just accept it as it unfolds before your eyes. When we achieve this state, we experience greater peace, joy, and even improved physical health. In order for us to achieve true mindfulness, we need to work on three key areas: the body, the mind-consciousness and self-awareness. So how do you start? You’ll want to focus on bringing your full attention back into your body so that you can consciously feel all sensations as they happen from moment to moment without judging them or comparing them.

When we achieve this state, we experience greater peace, joy, and even improved physical health. In order for us to achieve true mindfulness, we need to work on three key areas: the body, the mind-consciousness and self-awareness. So how do you start? You’ll want to focus on bringing your full attention back into your body so that you can consciously feel all sensations as they happen from moment to moment without judging them or comparing

And yet it’s not always easy. There are many obstacles in our way: distractions of all kinds; worry about what might happen in the future; judgments about ourselves and others; expectations of perfectionism; fears of what other people will think if we don’t live up to their standards.

Anxiety is a natural response to perceived threats, and in some cases, it’s necessary for survival. But when it becomes overwhelming and chronic, it can turn into a debilitating condition that’s hard to manage. The psychological symptoms of anxiety can be devastating: panic attacks; feelings of dread or impending doom; irritable behaviour; depression; difficulty concentrating; loss of appetite or trouble sleeping.

But there are plenty of things you can do to help overcome chronic anxiety, including lifestyle changes like regular exercise, more sleep, meditation, mindful breathing techniques and talk therapy. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to be one of the most effective treatments for anxiety disorders because it teaches patients how to identify and change unhelpful thoughts, and helps to understand emotions and coaching can help to learn the right techniques to move beyond this chronic condition.

There are simple techniques and great ways to achieve mindfulness and meditation is key.

Let go of negative thoughts by practising gratitude- take time every day to think about what you have instead of what you don’t have; breathe deeply when faced with fear or worry- focusing on your breathing will help calm the adrenaline response; focus more on the present moment- being mindful will help stop those pesky worries from creeping into your head. In this interview Mark Metry, Nat Schooler and Kim-Adele share massive value here in this video. Full transcripts are below.

Please do read the full transcript below.

00:00:09

Brilliant. So today we’re here to talk about simple ways to achieve mindfulness and overcome anxiety for good. And Mark Metry actually is an expert in that field because he helps shy, stressed and anxious people to be themselves confidently in front of anyone. And he’s been featured in Forbes, is a TEDx speaker. He’s featured all over the place and it’s, it’s wonderful. He’s joining us from Massachusetts. So it’s wonderful. I really appreciate you taking the time. And Kim is out and about in London cause she’s got lots of meetings, so

speaker 2

00:00:48

I am safe. Forgive the background noise and mark is such a delight to have you on the show. Thank you so much for joining us.

speaker 3

00:00:55

Of course. I appreciate it, Kim, that I, I always look forward to your content. I was looking at nah, that’s tweets and I appreciate you guys for having me and yeah, I’d love to, to start talking about this for sure.

speaker 1

00:01:08

Thank you. Thank you. So, I mean, I have got three points, but feel free to expand on, on that. And the main one is kind of like how you’ve built confidence, because I think that’s kind of, that kind of helps, right. To like get over the whole anxiety piece. Like building confidence kind of is a gateway right. To, to moving kind of beyond it or at least handling it in some way. So how, how have you personally done that mark?

speaker 3

00:01:36

Yeah, so it’s, it’s very interesting. So I think, you know, if I could rewind a second when I think about mindfulness, I don’t know how you guys think about it, but you know, for me, I think a lot of the times like these different words, like, you know, whether it’s mindfulness or meditation, they, they kind of have like this very abstract meaning or at least when people first hear about it. And the way that I think about mindfulness is just like you’re experiencing life as it is. Like that’s the definition of mindfulness means it literally means that you’re just a tune and you’re in the present moment and you’re just experiencing your life for literally what’s, what’s just happening in front of you. And you have to say that because I would say the vast majority of us are not doing that on a day-to-day basis.

speaker 3

00:02:24

The vast majority of us have, whether, you know, we’re thinking about the past or whether like our brain and our nervous system is sort of stuck in the past because it’s really triggering maybe some sort of like trauma or some sort of chaos that you haven’t really figured out in your mind. And in turn, what you’re doing is like you’re bringing your old self that maybe existed 10 years ago into right now. And that’s not you, you’re not living life in the present moment. And so when you don’t do that, you face a lot more problems. You face a lot more stress, you have issues like you can’t focus, you probably have sleeping problems. You know, maybe there’s an issue with your brain or your gut microbiome or stomach issues. And so for me, you know, one of the stories that I talk about that really, I think like teaches me, mindfulness is, you know, I had whack when I was in college, I had this roommate and at that time I had started to do like mindfulness meditation for about a year.

speaker 3

00:03:26

I was starting to become mindful. And I started to like to tell my roommate. And I started to teach him like, you know, Hey, when you’re walking on the street, like don’t be in your head. Don’t be like super, you know, introspective. Instead, you should just like, literally focus on how is your body feeling like your feet, touching the floor on the ground. You moving your legs, maybe if you smell anything. And I remember I was telling him this and we were walking up this hill and I remember he stops. And he tells me, he’s like, mark, I feel like just kind of doing these things that you told me to do. This is like the very first time I’ve ever felt my feet touched the floor and like really feel that. And it seems, it seems kind of silly to say that out loud at night and like, you know, people who are listening to this, you’re like, oh, of course, you can feel your feet.

speaker 3

00:04:14

Like you can feel them right now, but it’s like when you’re walking, when you’re in the environment, when you’re in the moment, if you do not sort of connect to your environment, then you’re in your head. And I don’t think there’s a problem necessarily with being in your head. I think there’s a right time in the right place. But when you’re with other people, when you’re trying to experience life for what it is, you have to be connected to your environment. And if not, then you’re not actually living your life. You’re living some projected version of reality. And that’s a lot of times where anxiety and depression can come in from. And so I feel like if, if we can use that as a starting base, then a lot of the time it’s exponentially easier to do everything else. Right. Because I think it’s so easy to like to look up like, oh, what are the best habits, you know, for, for mindset or what are the best habits to do for your mental health?

speaker 3

00:05:06

I think that mindfulness and I think especially a great way to get there is mindfulness meditation. It’s sort of like a route that teaches you, right? Because if you tell someone like, Hey, eat healthily or like, Hey, do this breathing exercise or Hey, you should journal. The reality is, is if they haven’t taught themselves how to be mindful, if they haven’t taught themselves how to be in the present moment, then they’re not going to do any one of these habits for the long-term they’re going to sit down, they’re going to try to do it. And the next thing you know, they’re going to pull out their phone, they’re going to focus on something different, you know, they’re going to be in their head. They’re going to be like, oh, I can’t do it. And so a lot of the time I kind of view mindfulness and mindfulness. Meditation is like a meta habit is like a, sort of a meta concept that if you can get that one down, it becomes exponentially easier to do everything else because you’re actually in your life. But when you’re in your head, it’s very, very hard to do things and to do them consistently. And so I’m not sure if that made sense, but that’s how I would start off explaining that. Yeah.

speaker 2

00:06:08

Made total sense. And it reminds me of something somebody shared with me a few years ago, which almost had to prove to yourself that you can’t multitask. Even when you think you can. So you have to get a stopwatch and you have to say one to 10 as fast as you possibly can and time yourself. And then you write that down. Then you get the same stop, watch out and now do a to J as fast as you possibly can and time yourself. And then you have to go back and time yourself again, this time go one, a two B three, C, four D, and see how long it takes when you’re changing. We’re getting your brain to focus on different areas because that’s actually how we do it when we’re not being present. When we’re not in the present moment, we’re distracting our brain and therefore everything takes longer. And if you want to try that at home to see how much longer it really does take you to try and multifocal versus just be present. It’s a really great way of bringing to life for the people, watching what you’ve just talked about in a very real way, is that how you stay really present right now so that you can really experience what’s going on rather than what’s already happened to you in your past.

speaker 1

00:07:17

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Totally. It’s really interesting that, that you brought up the way to achieve mindfulness, right? Because so many people are, they think that mindfulness comes from meditation, right? They don’t actually distinguish that mindfulness because you know, it’s like wormer, I need to meditate. It’s like, look, you don’t need to meditate. Yeah. You can go, you know, I’ve been doing Tai Chi like 25 years. Right. So how old are you? 24. Yeah. 24. Yeah. Right. I’ve been doing Tai Chi since the year you were born. Yeah. Right. But for me, the pain of holding a posture distracts my brain from thinking. Right. So eventually year on year that has made my brain function in a different way so that I can’t multitask. I really, I try, but I just can’t. Right. And, but I can focus on the task. Yeah. And, and I find that this whole kind of rubbish that these, these gurus are talking about, like, you need to be mindful meditation, man. It’s like, well, just go fishing or, you know, take a walk. Right. And be in that moment. So I love what you’re saying. I think I think that’s absolutely fantastic. Right. So onto the next thing, how have you built what’s that, please?

speaker 3

00:08:44

Yeah. So honestly, you know, I, so here’s what I think I, I honestly would push back about what you said, and this is what I would say. I don’t think everybody needs to do everything. Right. However, here’s what I would say. Right. So yeah. You can be mindful, like you can go fishing or you can do Tai Kwon, whatever you said, or go for a walk and like, yeah. That’s, that’s great. You get mindful. However, a lot of the time, people, depending on their past, they literally can not do that. And so a lot of the time, like when you look at your brain, you have two different networks in your brain, you have the active mode network and the default mode network. And so this is how, like, if you scan people’s brains, this is how they can actually tell like, oh, there’s a mode when your brain is in the present moment and mindful, and there’s a different mode.

speaker 3

00:09:32

That’s not, and most of us, spend our time here. We’re not mindful. And the reason why I would push back about what you said about mindfulness meditation, is that again, like, you know, not everything works for everybody. Everyone should do their own thing, whatever. However, I actually, I don’t think that there’s a substitute to meditation. I don’t think that walking or doing TaeKwonDo is a substitute. And the reason why is because when you sit down and you meditate again, it can be very hard. I’m not saying it’s for everybody. But when you sit down, you meditate. That is the only time in the entire world where you are shutting off the external environment. And when you shut off the external environment and you’re in your own head and you disconnect from everything, there is no substitute for that. And they’ve done studies on that.

speaker 3

00:10:15

There is no substitute, like there’s no form of exercise. There’s no nothing that can substitute that. And, and what is actually happening when you meditate is we build all these internal and external connections throughout our entire lives stamp. We have a phone here. Imagine in this example, like we’re, we’re I-phones right. And if I take this cable and I plugged it in, right? So my internal world is connected to, let’s say the wire, you know, represents the outside world. And so all throughout our lives, we learn these connections of like, Hey, if you know, let’s say you’re a kid, Hey, I got a good grade in school. And then now your parents are showing so much love towards me. So then you built an unconscious connection in your head of like, Hey, to get love from my parents. I need to get good grades in school.

speaker 3

00:11:09

And the reality is, we form these connections through all kinds of different things. And I think that when you meditate, that’s the only time where you close your eyes and you actually disconnect from that. And what happens is you realize that you’re not your mind and it can give you a vast, vast, vast, vast, vast majority that can actually be like a supercharger. So like, yeah, you could spend every day trying to try to go for a walk or wash the dishes, you know? And again, like I was talking to a neuroscientist about this who specializes in this, and he says that the best habit is the habit that people are going to do. Right. So if you go for a walk or if you do your martial arts and that works for you, then that’s glad, but there is no substitute for meditation. Like these two are two different, almost two different things. And they two do, they do two different things. So I think that that’s a very important note to keep in mind, like what can I add

speaker 1

00:12:01

To though? Can I, yes. So what I do think is that in order for you to even be able to meditate, right, you’ve got to shut your brain off. Right. So you need, no, you need, because if you know, the way I have learned right. To calm my brain. Yeah. And, and be who I am, right. Is by using a certain exercise method. Yeah. And it also, like it has seated meditation at the end if I feel like I want to do that. Right. But I can assure you that standing there holding a posture, like in Yoga, right. Tai Chi. Your brain clears itself. And yeah. Sometimes it wanders just like it would do if I was sitting down. Right. But I, I have tried to meditate and, and I genuinely found my brain was just too active to do that. Right. And I didn’t enjoy it. Yeah. So, so from a personal stamp, right. I basically have used the pain of holding a posture in order to concentrate. Right. Which has then led my brain into being clear because the only thing that I can do is actually focused on not falling on my face. Right. So, so I kind of like, I get what you’re saying, we’re kind of we should explore this more. I’m going to go away and we search more and whatever. Yeah. But Kim, if you got anything to kind of add to that.

speaker 2

00:13:34

Yeah. So, so I must admit when I first started doing mindfulness and meditation and I, agree, you know, I think it’s a really great way of connecting with you. I’m sorry. Forgive me.

speaker 2

00:13:48

Please forgive me for that noise. But I think, you know, one of the things I found was I still was berating myself, but not getting it right. So I would like sit there, but I put the music on and I, I try and be still. And then I’d find that I concentrate on what was happening within. And then occasionally, you know, another thought would wander in and I’d start telling myself off and going, no, no, no, no. You’re being mindful right now. Stop that stuff. Think about it. And because I misunderstood what I was supposed to do about being mindful. And instead, it was about going it’s okay. Those thoughts, those feelings can come in and you just observe them and let them go. What you don’t do is engage with them heavily. You’re just being you at that moment. And therefore you don’t have to beat yourself up about having to do it in a particular way. So I think, I think for me, I enjoyed it much more when I allowed myself to just go with whatever to me meant in that moment. But I do it every day. I find it a great way of just helping me see my mindset for the day.

speaker 3

00:14:59

Yeah, definitely. And I, again, I, I’m not trying to like argue with you guys, like again, whatever works for you works for you, but like not to what you said is like, I actually don’t even think it’s possible to shut off your brain. Like whoever, whoever started the lie of like, oh, meditation means you have to shut off your brain and not think that’s completely wrong. That’s like 100000% incorrect. And like that, that right there is what stops most people from meditating. Because like, what happens is the same thing with you. They sit down and then all of a sudden, their thoughts go crazy. Their mind, like, oh my God, I’m shutting. I can’t do it. It’s very hard. I can’t control it. And like, that’s literally the point, like literally, the point is not to get you to like for shut down your mind and like try to no, no, literally the point is for you to realize that our brain is like an ocean and like an ocean.

speaker 3

00:15:52

Like if you sit on the, you know, on the shore, you see wave crash after another wave crash, after another wave crash, after another wave crash, after another wave crash, after another wave crash. And then you realize like, oh, that’s the same exact thing with my thoughts. Like, no matter how hard you try, you cannot shut off your thoughts. Now you can get in the state of flow, you can get in the present moment where your brain shifts into that mode. And then yeah, you maybe don’t experience as many thoughts, but like, that’s the entire point of meditation every time that you get in a thought. And instead of like Kim, what you were saying, like instead of obsessing over it to like, realize like, oh, it’s just going to come and go. It’s just going to come and go. But then sometimes you’re like, oh, you know, you get into it.

speaker 3

00:16:35

And like doing that is the bicep curl doing yet is the actual exercise. And so if you meditate and it’s, it’s not great, it’s painful for you. That’s actually a sign that you’re doing it. Right. And so like, that’s been one of the biggest things that I’ve learned. And again, like, I’m just so passionate about this, because I think that there’s a lot of people where like, whenever anything becomes popular, there’s always like so many misconceptions about it, you know? And I’ve had this conversation with different friends of mine, like hundreds and hundreds of times. And I wish I could just tell people, like, you can not shut off your brain. Like if you meditate and you think thought after thought through that, that means it’s working. And so the point is not to shut it off. And so I think that’s so, so, so important to realize.

speaker 3

00:17:20

And Kim kind of what you said of like, trying to figure out your own way to do it. That’s huge. Now there are many different forms of meditation and there everyone’s a meditation teacher these days. So there’s so many different methods to it. You know, like I know for me, like there’s specifically for social anxiety, like mindfulness, meditation has been shown to be like one of the top three, like coping mechanisms that actually like works. And I’ve actually, I’ve made my own meditation. That’s a combination of mindfulness and transcendental and visualization. And so there are many different forms. But what I would say is that I think mindfulness meditation is one of the quickest ways to build the actual mental infrastructure in your brain to then get you to be mindful throughout the rest of your day. And so that’s all I would say. And so again, everyone should do whatever they want to do, but I definitely think meditation is like its own thing that can’t be grouped in with other things because it’s just, they do different things,

speaker 1

00:18:21

But big but big. But taking that, taking that mindfulness goes throughout your day. Right. Like you, and then, and then that becomes inherent. It becomes ingrained. Yeah. Like in your life. So you become calmer, your thoughts don’t come as quickly perhaps unless you want them to. Right. Because you can still think quickly, it’s not like smoking dope and then your brain doesn’t think, you know, it’s a different thing. Right. But yeah. How have you, how have you built confidence Mark? Because I think you’re doing really well and, and it’s, and, and I don’t take any of what you said as an insult at all. I want to dig into this topic. Right. That’s why we have, this is not about anything else apart from getting to the facts and giving people different opinions so that they can actually learn and then go away and do their own research because we don’t know everything.

speaker 1

00:19:18

Right. Like, you know, it’s as simple as that really. But I do, I do agree with a lot of what you said. Yeah. I really do. And, you know, taking those thoughts and writing them down when they come up over and over again is something that I, that I have done Kim. Kim’s big on these, “I am statements.” Right. Like, she’s, she’s helped me to kind of, you know, uncover the I am statements that were there from when I was a child. Right. From when people basically said things, you know, people have said nasty things to you right. In your life. Yeah. Your parents might have shouted at you a point where you were weak. Yeah. You were a kid. Right. And your brain absorbed that information. And so in order to actually uncovered those thoughts yeah. Doing meditation, or even just sitting down with a piece of paper and writing them down, like it’s all connected because until you overcome those, you can’t move to the next part in your kind of spiritual life. Right. In, in my mind, you know,

speaker 3

00:20:23

I love that because personally for me, I had no idea that, like I had thoughts, obviously, like we all know that we can think, but like when it comes to almost like, you know, thinking about your thoughts in a different way. And I know for me, I realized that when I was so in 2015, I, it was very interesting, because it was the first time where I realized that I had social anxiety. And it was also the first time in my life where I sort of started to go down like this very dark spiral. And next thing I knew, I was, you know, trying to use like food and alcohol to cope with my emotions. I was obese. Next thing I knew, I was like seriously depressed for the first time in my life. My social anxiety that I always had, my entire life turned into social isolation.

speaker 3

00:21:15

And next thing I knew I was actually suicidal for about a period of a month. And, you know, this is actually how I realized I had thoughts. And so for me, you know, I lived in Boston and Boston’s a very great city. I remember living on in a board rink city that let’s just say was not so nice. And I remember, and I was in college at that time. And I remember my, the campus police would always text us and they’d be like, oh, you know, watch out, don’t go down this street. There’s been like a shooting or there’s been like a mugging. And so, and so I remember basically what I did was I wasn’t so much pain that I was just like, I need to end my life. And basically what I would do is I would go for these walks at like 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM and like these very dangerous neighbourhoods.

speaker 3

00:22:00

And I would just like, pray to God that like, someone would walk up to me and like, try to mug me and kill me. And I remember on one of those nights, I remember it was like, it was like 2:30 AM or something I don’t remember. And I remember walking across this bridge and I don’t know if you guys have these in, in, in, in where you live, but in America, there’s like these like bridges that go over, like these interstate highways. So if you look down, there’s like these like eight-lane highways. And like, usually during the day, there are so many cars or so much noise, but I remember being there at two 30 and there were no cars. There was nobody, there was like not a single car, not a single sound. It was completely silent. And I remember looking, excuse me, I remember walking and I was previously back then.

speaker 3

00:22:46

I would always just walk, looking down. Like I would just always look down throughout my entire life. And I remember all of a sudden when I realized that there was silence, it was very strange. It was almost like someone took a remote and hit the mute button. Like that’s how silent it was. And I remember when I experienced that, I looked up and I kind of looked around and I was just like, wait, like, where am I? And I remember like, at that time, before I looked up my head just being filled with so many thoughts of like, you know, you suck, you have no value to the world. People don’t like you you’re terrible. And I remember when I looked up and I had that moment of silence and I looked around and I guess you could say, I was mindful, like in that microsecond, I remember thinking like, wait, who?

speaker 3

00:23:32

Like, who’s thinking that, like, I don’t think that about myself. And so all of a sudden, like, I, you know, I’m suicidal, I’m walking. And I experienced like this moment of the present. I experienced this moment of mindfulness, this moment of silence, silence, this moment of clarity that makes me kind of lookup and question my own thoughts. And that was the very first moment where I actually realized that your brain is like a thought generation machine. And like, previous up to that moment, I literally had no idea. And so I’m glad that you, you bring up that point because I don’t know about you guys, but for me before I realized that whatever my brain would tell me, I would become. So like, whatever my brain would think you become that. Right? But like, whether, whether it’s a scenario like this, or whether you do mindfulness meditation, or whether you’re mindful, and like you have like, this real-time simulation where like your brain generates this thought, but then you’re different. And you’re like, you can distinguish yourself from that thought. And so that was the very first time in my life that I kind of learned like what you just said. And it really only took me to hit, you know, rock bottom to where I was literally gonna kill myself. So I, you know, I hope that people could understand this hopefully before getting to a situation like mine, I’m not going to talk about confidence. I know. I just like what all over the place, but,

speaker 2

00:24:48

And hugely insightful. And thank you for sharing your journey, what a journey. And I’m so thrilled that you didn’t, and I’m taking the life cause what a horrendous loss, but you’re so right. We, the way our brains work, can sometimes be terrifying, but we don’t realize it. We don’t realize that we are inadvertently being harmful to ourselves because you’re right. When we, when we create those thoughts and I always talk about the being our, I am statements, you know, with these, we usually have created by the age of seven, we’ve been forced by the age of 14, and we’ve embedded them by the age of 21 where, you know, I’m not enough, I’m not likeable. I’m always alone and that’s not true, but it felt like it was true. I believed it to be true, became the blueprint to the backstory of my life and everything that went wrong was I quite expected it to go wrong because I’m unlivable because I’m not where they are because I’m alone.

speaker 2

00:25:46

And so what happens is we stop responding to what’s happening and we start responding to what we’ve made it mean because our emotional brain responds 24 times faster than our thinking brain. So we think that we are responding to our thoughts and we’re actually responding to our emotions, which are they’ve taken, what’s going on and they’ve made it link back to how we’re making it feel. And I think when, when you’re in it and I suffered heavily from this for like 30 odd years, and it was crippling at times, just horrendous. But once you start to realize that you can change them, that you can actually go, but that’s not how I feel, or that’s not true. I’ve got evidence that says, that’s just rubbish. Kim stopped following that. So that suite of stories you can create better. I am statements that actually serve who you are now. And I think you’re right, learning those and really understanding who you are and connect with you is a massive journey, but such a powerful one when you’ve completed it to actually find out who you are and who you’re supposed to be, and then give yourself permission to be that person.

speaker 1

00:26:56

Absolutely wonderful. So, so what are you saying? Well,, that was a massive turning point for you, in how you overcame your anxiety and built confidence from that moment onward. What’s that like looking back on it now, because at the time you probably didn’t notice that it was a turning point, but now if you, cause you’ve talked about it, it’s a wonderful story, Ryan, I’m glad you’re still here because, you know, you’re, you’re, you’re really like, you’re really helping a lot of people by raising awareness around this and also the imposter syndrome thing. Cause I know you’re big into that too. And we’ve, founded the international imposter syndrome awareness day. So we’d last out of that with that as it grows. Right. And so was that a turning point for you in how you’ve overcome this and build confidence at that time?

speaker 3

00:27:49

Yeah. You know, it was definitely, it was the first moment of awareness. Right. And like, as they say, there’s that quote of like, you can’t change something if you’re not aware of it. Right. And so I think that was the first moment of awareness, but honestly, I mean, as it took me months and months and months and years, like even after that, to like even figure it out and even start to take my thoughts and my ideas and then start to like put them into action. But in terms of confidence, you know, it’s very interesting. I actually, made a post about this today. I don’t know if you saw it. That’s why you’re asking me or just random. No,

speaker 1

00:28:19

No worries. Is it a coincidence or is it just the man upstairs?

speaker 3

00:28:24

Yeah, I don’t, I honestly don’t even believe in coincidence anymore. So I told her, I think it is so like, this is why this is what I kind of talked about today in terms of like yesterday I threw like a question and answer on my Instagram and a lot of people were asking me, like, how do you build confidence? How do you trust yourself? How do you build confidence? How do you trust yourself? And I said that you know, for me, when I look back at my journey, like in 2015 that I just said, and then the subsequent years out of that in 2016 and 2017, those were such, I don’t want to say dark years. They were great because I was starting to make progress. And so it started to open my mind and my eyes, but it was also unbelievably difficult. And, and like, one of the things that I think is so important when it comes to building confidence is like, you, you’re always watching yourself, like you’re always watching your behaviour.

speaker 3

00:29:16

And like, if you are someone who you’ve never stood up for yourself, if there’s something that you believe in, or like, for example, like, you know, Nat, like it, for example, like the whole meditation thing that we just talked about, like, imagine if I was like, you know what, I’m not going to say anything. You know, I’m going to let say it would be boring. And then also, yeah, but then also there’s also a different part of me. That’s like, Hey mark, you should talk about this, but you didn’t talk about it. And what I found is like that voice, the more you ignore it, the more it gets quieter. And so for me, like one of the things that I look back on that I think has given me a tremendous amount of confidence and has given me the insane ability to trust myself, like no matter what is the fact that I was there for myself in 2015, 2016, 2017, where like, I didn’t really have anybody to support me.

speaker 3

00:30:08

I honestly had no idea what I was doing. There were literally so many nights where I was depressed. I was lonely. I was crying. I had, I had no idea. I had every single reason to stop. I had every reason to quit. I had every reason to be like, man, I guess people are right. I should just go do what everyone else is doing. But I didn’t. And the fact that I have that like I literally don’t care. Like nothing can break me. As I said, I started like literally, if I go outside today and I get hit by a truck and like, I have to spend 10 years in like a coma. And then I wake up from that coma and then I have to spend another like 10 years, like rebuilding my brain. I would still be doing exactly what I’m doing now.

speaker 3

00:30:48

And then I also think the fact that you know, I face social anxiety from around like ages eight, nine up until 18 because of bullying, discrimination, different forms of abuse. I also know literally what it’s like every single day for my entire life, for my brain to tell me, you suck, you’re a loser and nobody likes you. So I literally lived through that for a decade. And so now whenever it happens, I’m just like, oh, let me just like switch the radio channel because this is just happening in my brain. And so the fact that I have that and plus my historical background of like me being there for myself and nobody else was, I think that’s a huge aspect of confidence and trusting yourself.

speaker 1

00:31:30

Absolutely wonderful. Give you a muted, but that’s, that’s just absolutely. So

speaker 2

00:31:38

Now it’s just, I wouldn’t say totally amazing can absolutely chat to you all day because you’ve got such great insight. And I think what I love is that piece you just said about being there for yourself, you’ve actually become your own best friend, your own best critic. And you’ve got built that trust. So to have connected back with who you’re supposed to be and be confident that that’s what you’re here to do. That’s the message that you’re here to share. And I was really thrilled. You managed to get there 24 years before it takes so much longer to find my purpose. But I agree once you do, once you know that actually, this is what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to stand up for that. I’m supposed to go, actually, this is bigger than what people think about me or not. It’s about helping other people to be themselves, to show up and share their message. So I love, love, love what you do and you’ll have to come on again. If you’d be happy to, cause we would love to chat with you more.

speaker 1

00:32:38

I’d love to we’ll delve, we’ll delve into the, the tips for mastering your mindset another time if you like because I think Kim’s, that’s, Kim’s hint. She’s hinting

speaker 4

00:32:50

That she needs to, that she needs to up.

speaker 2

00:32:53

It’s not my head. I’m going to have to go. It’s my hint that my battery is now flashing. I don’t worry that it’s going to disappear on me. So that is purely it. It’s just literally there. Cause you see it running down and it’s now gone. It’s gone past yellow. It’s now on red and flushing like a loo. You best

speaker 1

00:33:15

We’re gonna, we’re going to share this on our podcast and stuff too. So gone can push the, push the button.

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