Stephen Gillen, Bryan Kramer, and Kim-Adele are all world-class experts in the field of Emotional Intelligence. In this short video panel discussion, they discuss how to communicate with emotional intelligence to earn respect from a variety of different audiences. Communicating with emotional intelligence is an important skill that can help you succeed at your job or even just make friends.
Emotional Strength was first introduced by Abraham Maslow in the 1950s. The term “emotional intelligence” seems first to have appeared in a 1964 paper by Michael Beldoch. Wikipedia
Emotional Intelligence in communication is so important and especially in earning respect from who you are talking to and managing to keep calm under pressure. In this interview, we dug quite deep into this important topic!
Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to perceive, use, and manage emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can identify and use their own emotions as well as those of others, react appropriately to situations, and assess the environment for matching emotion. The term gained popularity after the 1995 best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, written by science journalist Daniel Goleman. Goleman defines EI as an array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance.
In This Interview We Discussed How To Communicate With Emotional Intelligence & Earn Respect
Many people struggle with connecting with other people and understanding their emotions and the state of other people’s emotions. To communicate with emotional intelligence to earn respect is a great topic and one in which all of the epic panel here have a totally different perspective.
Acting with emotional intelligence is an important skill that can help you succeed at your job or even just make friends. Communicating in a way that other people will actually comprehend and understand has to happen either consciously or intuitively.
Kim-Adele first gives us a few tips about how to Communicate With Emotional Intelligence. Check out the short video below or read on.
Steven Gillen talks about how everyone has a message and how sometimes people need to wrestle with their thoughts and be dragged away from them kicking and screaming on occasion as those rogue thoughts are not helping them they are not producing a good result.
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Bryan Kramer explains that he interviewed over 250 people from all walks of life, CEOs of fortune 500 companies, CMOs, sociologists, for a report for the New York Times. And that impact is different for each person. The different archetypes; altruist, the early adopter, the connector, the careerist, the boomerang, and the selective.
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Kim-Adele shares massive value here from her decades of experience in the board room of FTSE 250s
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If you would like to read the full transcription it is below:
Nat Schooler: Kim, how can you Have a more impactful conversation?
Kim-Adele: I think for me, it’s, it’s about being really been present.
I guess one of the things that I learned in corporate life is that actually, it’s the difference between impact and intent. So what tends to happen is we talk to people and if you have to, you have to give anybody constructive feedback. They’ll immediately defend their intention because they weren’t intending to get it wrong. They weren’t intending to mess up. And then what you ended up in this ridiculous conversation where they’re telling you what we’re trying to do, and you’re telling them what they actually did. And you ended up with that kind of like a disconnect. And so instead I kind of looked at, is there a different way? Can you change the way we communicate? And it’s interesting, like Bryan, you were saying earlier about, you know, we could have our Kilimanjaro, we have that thing that we are fearful that we’re not going to be able to achieve.
If I said to any of you here today, that in the morning, when you wake up, you’re going to have to learn how to walk or talk or run or gym, skip, you’d be overwhelmed. We’d all be overwhelmed. And yet the reality is it’s our most vulnerable who learnt it. So you kind of makes you think, okay, what are some differences about as, at that point that we could learn from today? And that’s probably been one of my biggest lessons is since becoming a mum, really paying attention to my little woman and her friends, and of look at it and go, there are three things that are different about us when we’re so little, the first one is just going to be like everybody else. So you can run and jump and walk and talk and skip. So I want to be like that.
That’s because I just want to be like you. And the second one is I might be able to say no, but I can’t really mean it. I mean, even toddler tantrums run out of steam. Eventually, you don’t think they’re going into, but the third one that I’m for me, this has probably been the biggest point of impact has been. But if you look at any child that is learning to walk, I pretty much guaranteed that there is at least one, if not many people stood around then going, come on, sweetheart, you’re so close. You can do this. We give them our belief. And I’m actually, that is one of the biggest and most impactful things that we can do. And that’s what I now teach leaders to do, which is overtly share your belief with your people, believe in them, let them know that you know, that they can do this and get them to borrow your belief until they find their own.
I’ve done that in organizations and you see the point at which actually they start to believe it for themselves. So they borrow yours to start off with and, but actually have such an impact by being over every time you give somebody an opportunity, you are inadvertently saying, I believe in you, because the other thing that’s pure about all human beings is we don’t want to be foolish. We don’t want to get it wrong. So if I ask one of you guys to do it, it’s because I believe that you can, and you’re going to do an amazing job, but I might not tell you that great insight. I think for me, that’s the most impactful thing I’ve learned, which is telling people that you believe in them saying that it must be to do this. Cause I believe you’re going to be brilliant and you can share such amazing insights that why would I not ask you to get involved?
Nat Schooler: That makes, makes a lot of sense. Michael Tobin says that in his book, I mean he hired someone and he said, oh, well, you’re going to do a merger and acquisition. You’re going to, you’re going to take the company IPO. And he’s like, well, I’ve never, never done that before. But actually, the guy did the job because he had the right basic skills in place to like, you know, go for it and get all the details down and all that kind of good stuff.
Nat Schooler: So I can see Steven on your face. There, you would love to tell me how, how can you have a more impactful conversation?
Steven Gillen: I think it’s important for all of us to understand first what I’ve learned, you know, everything I’ve kind done wherever I’ve done it, all the wonderful people I’ve been privileged to meet personal or business is that I’ve learned about human beings, that we all have a message. We all have a message and we want to re relay that to the world. You know, all we do is we pick different mediums, whether it’s singing, dancing, business, building, building skyscrapers to the sky, whatever, it really doesn’t matter. It’s our expression to the world. Right. And that is really one of the main purposes that we’re here for. It’s very powerful. So, you know, within that really, is the impact. So, you know, I’ve always kind of known this intrinsically and it’s about I’m counting that, finding that, nurturing that really for people.
it’s a funny journey, you know, really when you’re doing it professionally, because sometimes, you know, I’ve certainly found I have to drag kicking and screaming people towards their own best version of themselves, or, you know, interrupt unhealthy thinking. That’s really not serving them. That has gotten a lot of heavy lifting and unnecessary pain they’re, you know, really can be done without. Right. So it’s a funny thing. So that to me is the impact of conversation as well, because it’s writing a wrong and it’s improving things really quickly. So yeah. I, you know, I would say that it’s quite a question,
Nat Schooler: So you’re talking about basically helping people to shut off their self-talk the negative self-talk and flip it to something else to sell what you’re saying.
Stephen Gillen: It’s a massive area. It really is. You know, and for those of us who know that we have to wrestle with these kinds of things to help people, you know, and the other thing I would say is this is why a king has a core of advisors because he’s wise enough to know that one person can’t always be right. You know, you need other people to come in with the side view. I mean, I even seek constructive criticism, I’ll go and seek it and say, Hey, what do you think of this? Because, you know, we must be open to learn. And this is a really important point. Right. You know, that’s what I say is that another thing I’ve certainly learned is when you come up the levels of life as in business, this is one of the really important things that certainly catches out.
A lot of people, I see kind of the law of the lid, kind of a thing. If we’re talking, you know, leadership is, you know, they get to some point, but one of the main things is, is they’re not open to learn. There’s, you know, there’s something strange that happened where then needed messages or, you know, support systems or ways to integrate what they need, kinda, you know, don’t work. It’s not, it’s just this, this the time where you need to expedite the learning and you need to get over these humps in the road, breaking points. I call it to the next level, if that makes sense, but it’s fairly apparent. You know, I, I see many, many instances of this.
Nat Schooler: Thank you. That’s that’s fantastic. So I went to you, Brian, how can you have more, a more impactful conversation?
Bryan Kramer: There’s so much good stuff here. It’s also juicy and good.
I’m a big believer that, in all of this. And one of the things that I can contribute here is that when I was writing my second book serology, which is all about how humans share with each other and why, what, how, and when, what drives them psychologically to share.
I was doing the research and I interviewed over a hundred to over 250 people of all walks of life, CEOs of fortune 500 companies, CMOs, sociologists. So like you name it, every kind of person I could get my hands on data scientists.
And, and after just this one question of why do people share with each other? What does it, what is it that, that will make an impact basically between two people and, why do they want that online, offline in every, in every capacity? And then I took all of the data in, and I had every interview transcribed, and then I threw it into one of those word cloud generators. And the biggest word that popped up in the word cloud generator in the centre was a connection. And I was like, ah, that’s so fascinating that everybody, every human on earth, no 99.9%, once the connection with each other. That’s why we all share kind of pointing back to what Kim and Stephen just said as well, that, that we want that. And so I dug a little deeper because we do all want connection and we do all want to make an impact on each other, but we do it all with different flavours because we’re each unique in our own way.
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And we impact each other in our own way. And we, and we receive it in our own way. So when you’re asking someone to do something, it’s not fair to ask someone to share something when they might be not of different, you know, they’re, they’re of a different mindset. And so, so then we put a little bit of a research report together with New York Times. And we came up with in a way that impact is different for each for different people. So we came up with different archetypes of like the altruist, the early adopter, the connector, the careerist, the boomerang, and the selective. So that when you ask somebody who is, let’s say a select of someone who would rather not share on social media, or they’d rather just share in one-to-one conversations, basically privately, they’d been, they don’t want to be public with anything they’d rather just share in a private situation.
You’re now impacting them in a whole new way. Right. Or it’s just a, just like, we’re the four of us right here. So what I’m getting at is that B be really, really careful about who you’re talking to and how you’re impacting them, because each of us has a unique way about how we need to be and who we’re being with and, and how we can each impact each other. The four of us don’t mind being on camera, but not all, all people want to do that. So there’s different ways that we can all impact others in different ways. So that, that’s kinda what I wanted to add to the conversation.
Nat Schooler: Fantastic. That’s very interesting. I liked the way that you did all your market research and put all that into the, took all the words and put them in the word cloud. I like that a lot. I love that approach surveys. I’m a bit geeky like that really. I’m not gonna lie. So Kim, how can you have a more impactful conversation?
Kim-Adele: I think for me, it’s about being really present and seeking to understand the other person is going to be how you have the most impact. I think one of the skills that we’d sadly lost the arts of is genuinely listening. And by that, I mean listening to understand, not to interject. So too often, we can listen only long enough to be able to leap in with our, to try and demonstrate that we were listening really all that. We’ve got, got an opinion. And actually, we missed the chance to learn something really insightful and really valuable. So I try really hard now to make sure that when I’m in a conversation with people I am being really, really present and I’m listening to try and understand that point of view, what’s important to them, what are they trying to get out of it?
And how can I use it as an opportunity to learn more? Because, you know, as you know, I say this all the time, my Nan used to say every day’s a school day. And then Leslie, she was like, you know, we learn something every day. And I think Steven, you, Steven, insightful into the coconut and the fact that unfortunately, something switches all three leaders and as they get higher up, they’ve suddenly stopped learning. And it wouldn’t be almost that fear of not having the answers takes over. And actually, you know, we don’t need to know all of the answers. We need to have the confidence to ask for the people to have those answers. I think it was loud zoo that said that the wise man is the one that knows what, what he does not know. And I think if we can get ourselves into that place of confidence where it’s like, I don’t know, and I’m willing to ask you if we all going to be stronger together. I think that’s how we can have more impact.
Nat Schooler: Thank you.
The three leaders, Stephen Gillen, Bryan Kramer and Kim-Adele, were interviewed by Nat Schooler discussing: Communicate With Emotional Intelligence & Earn Respect.